kamulah satu-satunya

wahhahahaha...i scared emily with my pic. teehee...wasnt quite the effect i hoped for. lolz~

this morning..playing badminton...i got kinda frustrated with my dad cos he kept nagging me...and i got fed up and didnt want to play anymore. he kept criticizing me and i was like "shut up and let me play lah!!" ish...ppl wanna haf fun also kenot...

been online everyday...seems like i cant live without it. why?? this shouldnt happen!! i didnt plan to get hooked to going online and chatting...but then again...i didnt plan for a lot of things to happen. haha...chatting is only fun when lots of ppl r online. or at least when some of those girra ppl are online. keeps me smiling :)

went to the library also. i was stinky so i kept away from everyone to avoid pengsaning ppl. i wish i had more cards so i can borrow more books. ive been reading lots of crap that doenst really benefit me so i needed GOOD books to clean up the clutter in my brain that ppl call intelligence. haha..

i ate ayam pansuh. yum!! when warming up the food me and my mum were joking bout how amazed...well, amused..the "orang putih" will be if they see us warming up chunks of chicken, daun bandung and rebung in a bamboo over the stove. haha...the funniest ive heard is from my sis who worked with the tourism board during her practical. the orang putih were brought to the pedalaman area. they happened to pass by the rubber plantation and one of the guys said "wow, the malaysian forests are so neat!!" hahahaha..

this song...cant smile without who?? when i hear this song, i think of me frens. and my family and how much i miss my bro and sis sometimes. and when my parents fight...i think of this song. and id be like, screaming in my head,"i feel sad when ure sad, feel glad when ure glad...i just cant smile without u". sometimes, i really hope i think of that "special someone" when i hear this song...but somehow....its like..not relevant.

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm goin' through

I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song

And brightened my day

Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?

Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see, I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm goin' through

I just can't smile without you

Now some people say happiness

Takes so very long to find

Well I'm finding it hard

Leavin' your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad

I feel sad when you're sad

If you only knew what I'm goin' through

I just can't smile without you...

lala..*skip*..lala..*skip*..lala..(boom)*drop*

i know how i want to cut my hair!! haha...i took such a long time to decide. finally!! its short, but not too short.length is before shoulder, past the jaw. side part, wispy, layered. hopefully it turns out the way i want it to be.

this morning we had marching. we were divided into 3 groups. form 1s were in 1 group. and then the form 2 and 3 dicampurkan and divided again. grace was in charge of the form1s together with xu vin. amanda and emily were in charge of one more and me and laura were in charge of the remaining. my group not bad cos mostly berpengalaman one...claire, esther, joanne, geraldine(flute), agnes, brenda, kher li and one of the twins. felicia or felicity. not bad lar...i felt weird giving commands...i hear emily give command so loud i also give command loudly. haha...didnt feel like shouting so at first no sound one. then gradually i got used to it. still feel weird telling ppl what to do. feel so bossy..haha...but apakan daya...sudah tugas. haha..

anyway, we were playing the new pieces (new to me lar...i never play one), saints hallelujah and rock and roll explosion. its very nice!! if we practice hard enuff, and alter it a bit to do formation...can tanding st.jo!! seriously lah...i believe that if the band practice hard...and put all effort into it...we can prove to st.jo that st.3 boleh!! :) hmph. but next year for sure got problem one and then all our plan tidak jadi. *sigh* happens all the time. oh well. keeping my fingers crossed though.

going to play badminton again tomorow. funlar...play with my dad and mum and sis. i havent played in a long time so last week i took a long time trying to serve. and i finally got the hang of it!! my serve is a bit berkarat and high and my dad alwez take advantage and smash me when i start. ish!! i got fed up and played with my mum instead. haha...pandei merajuk juak!!

tomoro also got the battle of the bands at supp hall. i want to go!! but first of all, i have no fren, second, i havent bought my ticket, third, i dun wanna end up bored. actually, im almost never bored when i go to these things but the last battle of the band was damn boring...bad sound system and uninpiring performances...hell. but since evenstarr/tangerine records is organising this, i have faith...and i bet lots of good band are going. but still...its a bit late to make plans...damn!!

ive been fiddling around with lots of stuff lately. guitars, books, jazz, computer. anyone notice my frenster pic?? susah payah i mengedit it and no one seems to realise!! boohoo...hhaahaha. ciao~

but its still 2 months away!!

what i want for christmas

1. a trip to kl to visit
- my sister's place
- zoo negara (for some reason, i came up with this after watching croc files)
- grab tickets to the malaysian philharmonic orchestra
- mid valley (i've been to kl so many times but i never once stopped here)
2. one cd (original please)
- i really hope my bro can find the jazz cd i told him to help me get that day. any jazz cd would be fine.
- maroon 5 or jet or nice stupid playground or oag or gerhana ska cinta
3. a skirt or a new pair of specs
- this is if i cant get the two i already mentioned above from my parents (cd and trip). only then will i settle with this alternative. suject to changes
4. buku rujukan fizik, kimia, bio, add maths (any one of that)
- i need to study dont i??
5. lord of the rings extended edition vcd pack
- i dont know when it will come out but im fairly sure it will eventually come in a pack with a cheaper price

as we walk to the left...

owh man...im back from the iscf-ycs thing at st. joe. it was...weird?

i had to run away from band so that i would be in time for this thing. i met up with rowie, go makan at canteen, we waited for a while at the carpark then set off to st.joe. i was wondering why we had to go in one rombongan to st. joe, but when we got there i found out. the venue was changed, form the audi to the AVA room. to go to the AVA room, u have to pass thru certain classes and guys being guys, they all went "sshhtt", "ppsstt" or whistled. if we went alone u would attract attention, if u go in a group, u still attract (more) attention, but at least u have frens with u.

so anyway, the thing started off fine. but it got kinda boring. the ice-breaking session didnt really serve its purpose. the praise and worship was nice. the songs were nice but i didnt really get to sing-along cos i kept on forgeting the tune. hehe....the songs were very nice though. verry nice. next was the talk or something by "uncle" david. the holy guy type. his message was more or less "we are special. god made us special." something like that lah. he told us a love story of a pastor. this pastor, he's from msia and went to singapore. 4 girls fell in love with him. the funniest story was that of the first one. her name is kristine. (not real name) she has a her own car and i guess she's rich. that pastor is something of a kampung boy. one day, kristine drove over to the flat where he lived and went "honk, honk". she invited him to go on a ride. being a kampung boy, being invited to take a ride in a car was something big. so they went for a ride and stopped at the beach. in the pastor's words' "the sun was setting, the wind was blowing softly, u can hear the rustling of the coconut tree leaves, music was in the air and we were walking to the sunset" romantic eh? so they walked and walked and walked and they reached a rock. keep in mind that the pastor is a very spiritual guy. when they reached the rock, he sat on the left and the girl sat on the right. (and i sat in the middle...haha...nolah) and then, the girl looked at him.....and he looked at the sky. (lolz!!) after a while, he said "kristine, there's something i need to tell you" she listened eagerly. she waited and waited. finally he said "lets go home" hahahahhahahaha...everyone was laughing by this point. thats the only funny story. haha...

so after his talk, we went down to the stadium.

u know, if u want to go down to the stadium from the AVA room, u're bound to pass a few classes. one was empty. but the one dowstairs after the stairs wasnt. although the windows were closed they could still see us walking down the stairs from the space on top of the windows. (i noe its a bit hard to imagine) so we walked lah...i was walking with rowie. janice and abigail and another girl was in front of us. when we passed the class, the guys there were like..."hi...hello". ish, miang!! and then when me and rowie passed, they muttered something else too. i thought it was just me, until rowena said "did u hear them all say anak cikgu??" aiyoh!!!! i felt so malu, i walked all the way to the stadium with my head down. i swear, u dont know how memalukan it is to have guys whisper "anak cikgu" to each other when u walk pass and having guys scared of you because of that so-called sacred title. aaarrrggghh!!! but that one not that bad yet.

when we reached the stadium (after what seemed like an eternity of a journey), we were asked to make 2 circles, one for girls one for boys. the guys were to supposed to make a circle around the girls. so we made a circle lah. i was very blur here cos i was thinking "what are we gonna do??". but carol told me to relax cos it was gonna be fun. then i found out that we were gonna do the frenship dance. what the crap!!! in the dance, u r paired with a guy. the guy would be the one standing behind u in the circle. the thing about it is that u have to dance with different guys but the worst is that you have to hold hands!!!! oh no!!! and the guy behind me was so freaked out cos i the-anak-cikgu was going to dance with him. i think he's in form 2. dunnolar...anyway, he didnt even want to get near me and i felt so insulted!! i mean, i noe u dont like the idea of dancing with me but the idea of holding your hand doesnt exactly merangsang me either. ish!!! so the first guy wasnt good and i felt a little, note, a little, pissed. the next guy, let me see...he looks biasa only and he actually smiled at me so i felt a bit, a micromilimetre bit better. so we got ready and waited for the song to start. get ready means the girl (literally) hands her hands (huh?) to the guy and the guy holds it. (dont get any thoughts here!! i had to go thru it so if u think its gross, imagine how i feel) anyway, it took quite a while to get ready for the next "round" cos some ppl were partnerless. so most of us had to stand in position while others got their partner. and this certain guy, he actually held my hand (most of them just slapped theirs on yours so you're not exactly holding) and he wouldnt let go!! his thumbs were on my thumbs so i couldnt just slip off my hand and i didnt want to insult him (the way the first guy did) by struggling off. so i had to grit my teeth and bear with it. and i noticed that his hands were trembling. i dont want to even guess what that meant. nervous?? i hope so. rowena also said a lot of guys had shaking hands. it was taking a while to get the dance going and i was thinking, "dude, let my hands free a little and maybe u would stop shaking". but no matter how much i willed, his hand wouldnt stop shaking and he didnt loosen his grip. thank god, we carried on and he ended up, far, far away from me.

i truly pity the guys who had to endure the agony of getting me as a 3-second dance partner.

amnesia's hands were the coldest. i was suprised. the other guys hands' were warm but all were unfortunately, sweaty. ew~ and then, there was another guy, another weird one but not that bad looking. he freaked me out though. i danced with him and he hold my whole hand!! i kinda winced, bit my lip and was like "ok..." and then we had to jump or slide or something, instead of the normal walk to the left and walk to the right. anyway, i was laughing at the notion of doing something weird and looking at caroline practically dragging her partner (i dont know if it was on purpose but it sure looked that way) and my so called partner laughed with me. i almost burst out laughing at him. haha!! later on when i was going back, i was waiting for rowie, she was talking to jim, that same guy (not jim) said to me "kitak anak cikgu kan?? erm...cikgu...cikgu" ish, asshole, pretend to forget my mum's name. so i answered lah..."cikgu elisabeth?" and he said "ya!! bagus, bagus..." what the hell?? what's so bagus about it?? girra!! haha...

ok, that was a totally new experience for me. i wish we had more praise and worship cos i totally adore the songs. rowena kept laughing everytime she saw kevin sia. she also kept on making fun of me cos of the whole anak cikgu thing. stupid girl...and she met the pervert and another of her stalker. audrey something asked me what girra meant and i was laughing. one guy looks like a younger version of silas (hehe). patricia ivy is gonna add me in frenster(whatever that means to you). my mum is in a crappy mood for no apparent reason. she more or less demanded me for the car keys when i was in the AVA room and rowena said everyone looked at me. malu!! and she just accused me of freely giving my phone number to ppl. what the hell!!

the cleaning of music room was okay. but band was kinda kelam kabut and my patience with the cfoo is running short. sorry i wrote so long and thanks for reading. obviously, its been a while since things happen. hehe....not that i enjoy every part of it!!

life is getting draggy...i need to have fun!!!

yo. havent blogged in a few days and it feels like forever. nothing much is going on and im craving for a bit, no, a lot of excitement. i still wish im staying at crowne plaza/riverside hotel cos i would really like a warm long bath, followed by watching tv, and then feeling really cold because my mum usually turns up the aircon to a freezing temperature, so i snuggle under the covers of a warm and comfy bed. and my comfort practically ends there cos when im sleeping, well, i dont sleep cos my sis always manages to either push me off the bed, turn over and hantam her whole body on me or treats me like a bolster. i usually have to smack her in the middle of the night and the next morning i wake up really grumpy cos i dont have enuff sleep. hahahhaha..

*sigh* im thankful that nowadays, at least things are moving along a bit...cos i get to go for band and talk and gossip with my juniors and they tell me bout guys they know and i tell them about guys i know and we see st. joe mag together. and its so nice cos we're like one family there...haha.

you know...that haziqah gave me a fright yesterday because she add me in this conversation which involved a lot of people i didnt know. and now i know who they are...mostly form 2 guys and they all know me. and i was chatting with one guy just now, he told me not to tell my mum that i was chatting with him. he said he was scared he kena rotan later if my mum salah faham and think that he kacau me. haha...and yet diyana told me that he's a pervert that hits on any girl he meets. yeah right, he was actually scared of me for goodness sakes. lolz...i am so misunderstood. oh well.

tomorrow, im going for some cfoo thing. ish...have to play some weird piece. and i have to miss the telematch, no!!! i wanna go lah...but then i dont wanna skip that cfoo thing, scared she complain bout me. i dont want her to complain bout me. i dont want to furthur mencemarkan my name cause im often misunderstood. people just dont let me do things sometimes. esp ppl with authority. they seem to have this negative image of me at first sight. when they find out im in a good class or the section leader in band or the ketua darjah, they change the way they treat me. and i kinda hate it. i mean, they dont treat my other frens that way. im probably the only one who notices it. i dont want to give any examples cos i dont want to make it sound like i hate my frens, cos i dont, and im not hungry for "nama" either. its just that i dont like being pushed around and discriminated. i just really hope its not because im a bumiputera. i hate racial stuff. most of my frens are chinese and if u put me with any one of them, most likely a teacher would choose them for a task instead of me. assuming that the teacher doenst know us very well lah. if the teacher knows us and she still chooses my fren, at least i know she has good reasons behind her choice. not that i want to be chosen for everything. i just want to be taken seriously for once. and not treated like a sakai gurl. its so insulting when a person has a shocked expression followed by an amused smile when she/he finds i'm actually capable of doing something well. for goodness sakes, do i really look that stupid?? im not the smartest ass in the world but im not empty-headed or backward either. ish!!

*breathes in* ok. calm down *breathes out*

anyway, tomorow, make sure u watch music-music on TV3. i forgot what time. got jac!!! yeah!! gonna watch that..hihi

on friday, im kinda packed. in the morning, gonna clean music room, and then we have sectional and then im going for the YCS-ISCF thing. hmm...i hope that will be interesting. go there and cuci mata!! haha...i keep going to frenster to add ppl but im alwez confused bout their identity so i end up adding only 1 person out of 5 ppl i see. haha...also keep on seeing guys. lolz...i saw one guy, his name is also kester, but he's not the kester kester. he was topless at a place that looked like a bathroom. lolz!!! the pic was red again. i think its supposed to make him look hot. hahaha..weird guys. ive been trying to look for my tuition mates but not quite succeeding. i dont know the email so i have to go from one person to another to look for my frens. wah...so tiring man!! haha...hey, there's a cute guy in my frenster...go see and try to guess who...haha!! dont salah faham ya...blueks!!

this is crap lah. i promise i'll try to write something more interesting next time. ciao!

hmm...

ok, yesterday was crappy and i'm hoping for a new start.

i finally found out why my phone wont send messages. the message service centre number was wrong. some idiot deleted a few numbers so it wasnt complete. so i checked out my mum's phone and copied her number cos i figured that since we both use 013, our centre number must be the same. it worked!!! mwahhhahahahaha...

i played with some minor html stuff and its kinda fun. i was trying to figure out how to add links. and it worked too!! hahaha... i love this blog compared to my last one. mblog was so confusing. this is much easier to use. i dont want to add too much stuff to it like feli's one. so distracting man... like emily said, people are there to read your blog. so make sure u read ok?? this blog is also prettier...more my taste and not that boring.

alrite, im gonna go now and play my guitar...and edit my songs...hehe. tonite, i play the sax. i only play it at night because it fits the mood. its a romantic, sexy instrument so the best time to play romantic, sexy tunes are at night. but do you consider under the sea or harry potter as romatic or sexy?? lolz!! maybe i'll play the solo for beauty and the beast....haha...lawan valerie!! play with feeling ar...at least the pieces this time are easier to 'feel' and understand because im familiar with it. hehe...like hazikah said, i be the beauty, u be the beast! pundek!!

2 weeks

let me say this before i forget. today i went to carol's place. it was great. then my parents came. and they screwed it all up. its just amazing how they consistently spoil what should be my happy and stress-free day. first it was the jazz fest. and now its this. there were so many other times they did this but this two occasions just stand out the most. why? because i start off feeling confident that they will understand my situation and not mess things up and dissapoint me. but they do exactly what i feared. the last time this happened, it took me almost 2 weeks to get my confidence in them and myself back. 2 weeks to pull my act together. 2 weeks to tell myself, fretting over things like this is just silly. 2 weeks. i hope i can do better this time and get back to my normal self (am i ever normal?) in maybe a day. shit. *close eyes* i can do it. im not gonna cry. why do i feel mad? i agreed to go home. everything is alrite *opens eyes* yes, everything is alright. *cry*

ok, maybe you're very blur now. let me start from the begining. start off with the jazz fest. my parents allowed me to go. which was great. cos the next day i was going for the evenstarr concert. they knew i loved both. even though i should study for PMR, they still allowed me to go. so that was so great. i was so happy they said yes. i thanked god. i was confident my parents were really very understanding ppl. so i went. we met and everything and had fun at the jazz fest. laughing, singing, swaying, talking. then we had to go back, it was 10 already. carol was supposed to send me home. so i went back to club with her. i wanted to stay on and watch some more. so i called mummy. i thought "if she allowed me to come here, of course she would let me stay until the whole thing ends. she's cool with me staying late". but no, some big fat misunderstanding ended up with carol gone home, me left there thinking mummy was gonna come and watch the jazz fest with me. when i called mummy again to confirm the plans, she practically screamed at me over the phone "what do u mean im gonna go there with you?? u think im so free?? daddy's going to fetch you and bring you to the hotel!! he has things to do!! u come here first!! no need to stay!!". i was heartbroken. you see, my parents and lil sis were at rajah court cos my dad was giving some seminar stuff and it was a big thing compared to my vain pleasure. i was choking back tears. i remember caroline fong was there, not far from me. i didnt want her to see me cry so i quickly called up diyana and told her everything and a bit extra. thank god for a friend like diyana who doensnt go like "right..", or asks questions and interogate me instead of listening or even worse laugh at me or make me feel like a total freak for feeling how i feel. i hate it when my frens do that!! she managed to cool me down a bit. when my dad picked me up (my mum and sis were at the hotel) he was telling me that the seminar was a total success. he was highly praised for taking the initiative to organise it. and my dad said he shed tears because his efforts were recognised and he felt very terharu. when he told me that, i felt so bad for being mad at him because if not for my dad i would have still been at the jazz fest. but there he was having his time of his life and his selfish little daughter just wanted to do her own thing and not celebrate and be happy for her dad. i felt so guilty but i felt so sad too...very dissapointed that my mum had to scream at me. i dont know how to say this!!! its the worst feeling in the world!!! its not really the jazz fest thing. more like i was dissapointed with my mum and guilty to my dad. we reached at rajah court. we went to the bar, it was empty, just my dad, his frens, my lil sis and my mum. i didnt want to talk at all. i didnt even look at my mum. i couldnt bear to look at my dad. my sis, i felt like stabbing her, stupid girl, invade my privacy, reads my stuff and take pride in it!! thinking that she knows me so well. my tears were already on standby mode. i just sat in one lonely corner, pretended to watch tv and started crying. when my sis came to my table, i pretented to sleep, covered my eyes and cried. and it just happened that some oldie song was playing "young girl, dont cry..." damn.

one of my weakness is that i dont like going against my parents decision. esp when its an important thing. usually i just twist my way around their words. if they say no, its no. i never say anything against it.

just now, my parents picked me from carol's house. i told them i was gonna call. but what the hell, they just came and fetched me at the time they liked. as if im some sort of library book. take and return when u like, dont care if kena denda or not. in the end the denda is my feelings. my feelings were hurt. and they dont seem to know. fine...they dont need to know. another problem with me...if i dont agree, i never voice it out. i feel so terrible and when they ask me if im ok, i say im ok but deep inside i'll be like "im not ok!! please make me admit that!! make me tell u that im not ok!!". still, i shut up and keep it inside. crazy freak...

when they came, i didnt want to go back. i didnt even say bye properly to my frens. lynn said bye though. amazing~ i went to the car and my dad was like, u want to go home? my heart said "no" but i stuttered out "yes". im still asking myself "why?" now. they were there. to fetch me. i knew i'll feel so bad if they were to go back again and i half-expected them to know that i'll feel bad. but they really convinced that i didnt want to stay. thanks to my fine lying/acting skills, my parents and lil sis were totally bluffed. my super ability to hide how i feel and disguise the situation im in is ending up with me suffering because i dont know how to tell people how i feel and im supressing all this crazy paranoia in me. in the car, i was like, "dont cry. im ok. im cool with going home now. dont cry. im ok. im cool with going home now. dont cry. im ok. im cool with going home now".

i started coughing up my dinner.

im not gonna be ok.

girra!!

*yawn* i had a loooonnnggg nap just now. i felt so tired...we were playing mace in skool...so funny!! play star wars and then dayung sampan. and i throw the stick until it hit my head. not the real mace lah...just the stick.

we were supposed to celebrate st.teresa's feast day today. but it was really short. rosary, sing sing sing and then mr. tan give sermon...oh wait, i mean speech. nothing much lah...later when me and emily were talking to amanda then she told us that last year after pmr, during the ceramah stuff, she was very noisy. and then when they ask for volunteer for some "magic apron" thing, she put up her hand. u noe what she had to do?? she had to stand at the front wearing an apron and then people put the card or something with the different stages of pregnancy inside. lolz..oh yea, this morning, a bird flew in lina's hair. hilarious!!! it landed on her head and was fluttering around in her hair, like kena jerat. and i kept on laughing. jaik...after that she said "my hair look like branches issit??" hahahahhaha...and i made geraldine 'curly' draw 19 cards while playing uno. she had only one card left and i felt so jeles...i gave her 19 more!! ahahahhahah....we also got the new mace. its much shorter...and lighter. yeah!! then we were talking to ms. tan bout band stuff, complaining bout cfoo most of the time. that cfoo ar...dunno anything one...nama only got diploma lah, whatever...and then steal band member for choir. macamlah we are her kuli. ms. tan didnt know that cfoo got the diploma stuff...wait, i check skool mag...oh, its bachelor of applied arts with honours (music) pengajian musik K0276524...eee, why got number also?? shows how many times she had to resit the course ka?? hahahahah...ok, joking only. we kept on crapping bout her until ms. tan also ended up laughing with us...if u were with us, also kenot stop laughing one. hhahahah...girra!! eh, i think last year's mag was nicer than this year's one. only dat last year got lots of typing errors...georgina ramee?? what the hell...last year also more happening, and the form 5 pages last year more colourful and pretty. not to say this year's one not pretty lah. kurang a bit. st. joe lagi teruk. if not for the cover, i think ppl also dun want to read. its so boring inside...want to sleep i see. ahahhaa...only see muka orang...hahahha. the story there no feeling also. its supposed to be sad but i dont feel sad at all. not like jacintha's one. belum habis already i menangis teresak-esak. its so sad man...even my lil sis agree. emily ar, my sis say ur story so sad and jiwang ... ahhaahah. then i told her, emily memang jiwang...and my sis gave me one of her stupid '??issit??' looks. sigh. i still think last year's mag was nicer. but this year got more of my face *perasan* i noe la...rowena's face berlambak-lambak, nobody wants to see. ahaha...this year also i collect more autograph...yeah!! almost full. hihi...nevermind if this year's one kurang, next year, join the looking glass and we make it banyak!! ahahaha...sik lawak pun. stupid joke. right...i better stop before u get convinced that i have phsychological complications.

ciao~ i lurrve jazz! *muaks*

You are far

When I could have been your star

You listened to people

Who scared you to death

And from my heart

Strange that you were strong enough

To even make a start

But you'll never find

Peace of mind

Till you listen to your heart

People

You can never change the way they feel

Better let them do just what they will

For they will

If you let them

Steal your heart from you

People

Will always make a lover feel a fool

But you knew I loved you

We could have shown them all

We should have seen love through

You are far

I'm never gonna be your star

I'll pick up the pieces

And mend my heart

Strange that I was wrong enough

To think you'd love me too

You must have been kissing a fool

I guess you must have been kissing a fool

But remember this

Every other kiss

That you'll ever give

Long as we both live

When you need the hand of another man

One you really can surrender with

I will wait for you

Like I always do

There's something there

That can't compare with any other

You are far

When I could have been your star

You listened to people

Who scared you to death

And from my heart

Strange that I was wrong enough

To think you'd love me too

You must have been kissing a fool

I guess you must have been kissing a fool

lurve this song!! not too jiwang, not too unjiwang. sooo nice!! sang by michael buble~ (not original singer)

now, how do i say this?

it's a sad day because i lost my last blog. im mourning now. but this is my new one. and i'm happy because it's easier to use and has more options that my last blog. anyway, here's what i meant to write at my old blog. *sniff* (feeling very nostalgic)

im back from riverside. ive been staying in a hotel for 2 nites now. living in a hotel is nice if you have good company and plans and a good humour. well, i didnt have all of that. sure it has been nice staying there. going to skool from parkson and then going back there again. i could even get used to it. feeling like im rich and um, elite? haha...its been an experience.

most ppl would jump at the thought of staying in a hotel. absolutely free. but well, i did jump at first and now im groaning on the floor. it kinda sucks. okay, its not that bad. big comfy beds that sends subliminal messages reading 'go to sleep', warm baths, a tv set smack in front of u, a speaker in the bathroom (!), big mirrors and that welcoming beautifully manicured hotel look just makes u want to stay even more. well, this morning i woke up all alone in my room. and realised that my dad was at the convention, my mum and my sis were at skool. and i just woke up. so, i slept in for a few more minutes and not wanting to be such a slog, i got up and freshen up. a little. basicly i just gargled some water and splashed my face and flopped on the bed to watch tv. it wasnt that bad at first, watching mtv and feeling very cool all of a sudden. i took a bit of breakfast, salvaging what i can from the food my mom brought from home. and watched more tv. then i decided to bath. this was when i felt reaaallly lonely. being disconnected from the rest of the world and living in a comfy environment was nice, for a change but it was getting all a little too draggy, forced and fake. i could have cried or pushed myself out of the window or something. i wanted to take a walk outside but i didnt have the key, i didnt want to leave the room door open cos i was scared someone went in and steal stuff or someone would close the door and i'd be stuck outside. so i decided to take a nice, long, bath since i couldnt have a proper one yesterday cos emily interupted. sigh. then i started wondering if mummy or daddy would come back. and how long i would have to stay there. and if the plans to go to pizza hut was still on. i decided not to go to pizza hut cos i went out already yesterday. then i got a bit paranoid and smacked myself with the towel. girra. so i read some stuff i wrote a few months back. it seems better than the stuff i write now. esp the stories and my dreams. adden i felt kinda nostalgic. next time i'll show it to you. anyway, im at home now, missing the hotel room badly but feeling glad cos i have everything i need and love right here.

i learnt one thing about kuching. u can be at all the coolest places and have fun all you want. but no matter how much fun it is, it's not fun anymore when u keep on pretending like life, your problems and everything else around u doesnt exist. your life and the world is impossible to ignore and is never fun. so fun has to be used sparingly and moderately and fully and wisely and u should make the most out of it.