thoughts

i have had a whole choice of things to do. read books, clear up my room, study, sleep, watch a movie, play guitar, write stuff, play saxophone or just laze around. but i chose to blog. why? I HAVE NO IDEA. ah, crap~

last night i slept at 2 am. i couldnt sleep. i tried and tried and ended up almost falling sick cos it was so late already. after i think a whole hour of tossing and turning, i decided to take some sorethroat and flu medicine. the flu medicine suceeded in making me fall asleep peacefully. woke up at 8.30 this morning (we wanted to have sectional in school but i cancelled it at the last minute cos i was worried that the jaga wasnt there. maklumlah...hari raya) my dad asked if i wanted to go out for breakfast. i said yes. my tummy hadnt woke up yet so i couldnt finish the bubur i ordered. i had a fright at the coffee shop cos i thought that *somebody* was there, i literally froze in my steps then i realised that it wasnt him. thank god, cos my hair was in a mess. hehe.

well...i feel very thoughtful this morning. meeting lotsa different types of people while visiting yesterday affected my mood today. you meet ppl who are rich but dont show it, ppl who arent rich but make it look like they are, and ppl who dont give a damn how much money they make. introverts, extroverts. naturally good looking ppl, artifically good looking ppl. smart ppl, not so smart ppl. funny, serious. nice, cold. sarcastic and straightforward, polite and respectful. stuck up, down-to-earth.

interesting, innit? i love watching ppl. gives me something to think about. wondering how guys can be such perverts. wondering why some girls are such bitches. wondering how strong some ppl can be (not physically) as in, they are going thru a hard time but putting on a brave face and making it look like nothing is wrong. wondering how silly ppl can get when they lose ground and forget to keep things real. wondering how the ppl that you thought you knew and trust suddenly become strangers and ppl you hardly know are suddenly the ppl you spend time with. wondering how ppl tend to complain bout their life and yet do nothing about it. wondering how ppl can be so blind to everyone else and then make a big deal out of their own problems when in actual fact everyone else are actually going thru the same thing. wondering about the fact that there is a story behind every face, behind every gesture, behing every life. wondering about how things arent always what they seem to be. wondering about the fate of innocence and why cant it survive.

and it eventually boils down to on thing. yourself. you have all these different human nature and like it or not it is part of you. and when you start judging youself...i dont know about you...but i start to have this personality crisis. i start asking myself, "who am i?", "what am i doing?", "is this what i want to do?", "is this really what makes me ME?".and i have to always remember to stay true to myself and do what i think is right. and the terrible part is what is right sometimes doenst freaking matter cos "the correct thing to do" doesnt apply and you have to break the rules but always, always for a good reason. and here is when your parents advice start to make sense. and principles matter. you see the real world and running away from the harshness of it isnt gonna help. it sucks that you have to stand up and take the beating, trying to bear in mind that you WILL walk away, a better person though it wont make sense at that time. i believe in that. dont you?

if all fails, remember god. wwjd. what would jesus do?

just being thoughtful. cheers ppl. selamat hari raya. maaf zahir dan batin.