christmas isnt christmas

ah. almost a week to christmas. and two weeks to school. pmr results are due soon. and i don't feel anything. just anxiety, uncertainty, doubt. numb.

i havent been writing these few days. and thats why. im a total blank. a walking zombie. a CONFUSED zombie. without the whole fuss of chemistry books. it's crazy i tell u.

band better get up and get going soon. practices and stuff. but nothing is happpening and i feel so helpless. what more, every time we go to emily's place, i dont actually do much and i feel like a total idiot but for some weird reason, i want to do something, ANYTHING!! but i dont know what, how. i havent seen a hint of preparations for the "band display" for the form 1s orientation. why?? it's like the pri.6 audition whatever. IT NEVER HAPPENED. and i went to all the trouble to plan the whole thing in my head should ms tan and the form 4s give the thumbs up. crap la.

my bro is back with karen. they wanna watch white chicks. while my bro is setting up his computer (which has the dvd drive) they're still watching love actually. i've watched both already so i'm staying on the computer.

my sis is having her christmas play this weekend. we are watching on sunday. i went to the full dress rehearsal. the kids are so cute!!! mostly kids there lar. oldest is around my age, a year older. kira young lah tu. anyway, my sis told me bout this kid, who's acting the part of joseph. his name is sean, sonia's youngest bro. if any kid is considered hot, its him. he's also really nice to everyone, esp the girl acting as mary. you shud have seen them!! well, they didnt have any cordless mike then, so they had to keep passing the mike around. anyway, when it was mary's turn to talk during the nativty scene, she didnt have a mike at first, then sean quickly took the mike from one of the astronauts (if u watch u'll know what i mean) and he ran to mary, tap her shoulder and handed her the mike. so cute!! and then after that scene, we ppl clap lar, (mostly a few parents helping out) and then before the curtain close, sean said "thank you!" hahahahaa. so cute. now why am i gossing over a 5 year old? damn, i feel like michael jackson or something. lolz.

oh yea, i finally wrote a decent song. meaning that it's finished, complete with chords and plucking parts, and HAS A TUNE. lately, all i've been writing are words. not exactly poems but not songs either. and yeah, i realised i dont have one happy tune. all are angry, sad, lonely or downright psycho.

thats all now.

merry chirstmas.